East West - The Asian American Lifestyle Magazine

Identifying roadblocks caused by cultural values
By Erin Yoshimura

Job interviews can be challenging and nerve wracking – you have limited time to prove your worth. It’s like a corporate version of “The Bachelor.”

Not long ago, I was interviewing for a management job. Talks were going well, and I felt relaxed and confident until I was asked, “Tell us how you feel you were as a manager.”

“Hmmm, I probably sucked as a manager,” was my automatic, unedited response.

Suffice it to say, this was not the reply they wanted to hear nor was it the response I wanted to give.

In a millisecond, my body had been snatched out and replaced with Self-Effacing Asian Girl. She took over and said all the things she didn’t do well as a manager. Her body language changed. She bowed her head slightly, slumped down in her chair and her face looked as if she had just passed gas.

In a single swoop, she managed to zap Erin’s credibility and confidence. She had pushed aside the Wasabi Woman.

What happened?

It was that cultural value I was taught growing up – don’t brag, don’t put yourself above others, be self-effacing to show you’re not better than others.

Sound familiar?

In that moment, I realized that no matter how much personal growth work I had done; my cultural values were embedded within me at a subconscious level.

Cultural values are given to you by your family and reinforced by your community. They help to maintain inner harmony and, hopefully, teach us to be better people. However, in mainstream society, cultural values such as don’t bring attention to yourself and don’t rock the boat can end up making us appear passive, quiet and shy. They can prevent us from getting upper management positions and they can unfortunately feed the stereotype that Asians don’t make good leaders.

Cultural values can also conflict with personal values.

Whereas cultural values are handed down to you from early on, personal values are innate and unique to you regardless of your upbringing and background.

One of my top personal values is full self-expression. I know this because I come alive when I’m fully myself and when I see others doing the same – think Margaret Cho.

Full self-expression, however, doesn’t fit well in my community, which praises self-control.

While cultural values are important and honorable, they don’t serve us in all human interactions and shouldn’t be used as a universal behavioral template because they might manifest in ways that work against who you want to be seen as.

Do you automatically apologize? Do you unknowingly look down and avoid eye contact? Do you smile when you’re angry? Do you back off when conflict arises? Are you quick to take responsibility for things that go wrong?

If yes, then it’s likely that you’re acting from your cultural values.

The good news is that we can undo this.

First, become aware. What cultural values are most important in your family? In what situations do these values support you? When do they work against you?

Now, think of situations that call upon cultural values. For me, whenever I’m asked to talk about my accomplishments or am given a compliment, Self-Effacing Asian Girl surfaces.

Think back to an interaction you had that left you feeling dissatisfied or off-balance. Was there a cultural value at play? If so, imagine how you would have wanted the situation to turn out. What would you have said or done differently? Notice how you feel imagining this new situation.

Learning how to manage cultural values isn’t always easy and it does take practice, but the benefits—preserving your life and career goals—are worth it.

During one of my emotional intelligence workshops, a Vietnamese American man showed the group how he was raised to respect his elders. He stood up, stiffened his body, head down, arms straight down his side and hands in a fist. He was taught to address his father and older men in his community this way to show respect and honor. He realized then that he also did this with his European American manager, and he finally found clarity on why he felt his manager didn’t “get” him and why their relationship was strained.

In my interview, when I realized that my cultural values had taken over, I quickly redirected the conversation, speaking of how many people in management positions are not trained by employers to be effective leaders. I went on to say that I may not have been the best manager in the past, but individuals on my team always felt comfortable with my style and often sat with me to talk about their personal lives.

So, after a brief point of weakness, I became aware of my misstep and was able to refocus on the positive. The Wasabi Woman prevailed.

Erin Yoshimura, chief empowerment officer of Empowerful Changes™, specializes in emotional and cultural intelligence training and coaching. Visit her at www.empowerful.com.

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