East West - The Asian American Lifestyle Magazine

Confucius. Buddha. Dalai Lama. Gandhi. Thich Nhat Hanh.

Asian Americans come from a long lineage of spiritual teachers, people that taught of love, forgiveness, wisdom and enlightenment — people who could clearly see the emotional impact of a situation and who acted instinctively from the gut, without overthinking.

So how did we, those that fit into the category of East West, evolve to be such heady intellectuals known for getting good grades and being void of emotion? How did we learn not to rock the boat and master swallowing our bitterness? And how did we find honor in hiding our feelings and not bringing attention to ourselves?

Regardless of the path, the effect is clear.  Look around the cubicle scene today, and there are hardly any Asian Pacific Americans in top management in corporate America. Asians are viewed as smart and hard working, but we just lack leadership capabilities because we’re not aggressive enough.

But we don’t always have to be seen as geeks and geishas. We can break limiting stereotypes and bust through the glass ceiling by improving our EQ.

EQ is the emotional equivalent to IQ, but unlike your IQ, which stays fixed from age 7-77, you can immediately improve upon your EQ.

The term “Emotional Intelligence” was popularized by Daniel Goleman. It’s about becoming attuned to your emotions and the emotions of others, and then using this information to increase happiness and harmony within yourself and your relationships. It’s about learning new ways to recover when life hands you a manager from hell.

Research for the past 25 years has consistently pointed to emotional, social and communication skills such as self-awareness, impulse control, initiative and the ability to work with others as making the difference in the optimum performance of self and others. Studies show that success at work is 80-90 percent EQ and only 10-20 percent IQ.

Such findings seem obvious when we consider that underneath the advanced brain circuitry that allows humans to plan, solve problems, organize and rationalize lays ancient wiring called the emotional brain. This part of the brain is responsible for passion, determination and desire — the juice that brings planning alive. Even the most intellectual of Asians cannot bypass their emotional brain when making a decision.

Consequently, the adage “leave your emotions at the door” when arriving at work is impossible to follow.  Everything we see and hear gets evaluated by the emotional center before it gets sent to the thinking part of our brain.

Emotions are even part of our survival mechanisms. Fear keeps us safe from harmful situations. Love allows us to bond and reproduce.  But sometimes, our brain’s emotional center doesn’t send the right information and we might find ourselves overreacting to benign situations. Thankfully, emotional intelligence skills can easily be learned and improved, helping to heed off such bad reactions.  Emotional intelligence is about bringing the unconscious to the conscious.

Think of a volcano. Although things appear peaceful on top, there is a lot of hot lava churning and splashing around underneath. This is similar to the way we’re taught to handle our emotions. We’re taught to have a happy exterior, but yet the body and mind don’t always follow suit and the churning lava inside can turn into high blood pressure, anxiety — a myriad of health problems.

Improving emotional intelligence starts with increasing self-awareness — knowing and living your personal values, playing upon your strengths and increasing self-confidence. I can’t express enough how important it is to know your values and separate them from cultural values that disempower you. I tell my clients that if they only learn one thing from me, it should be to always work on discovering and living from your values.  If they do, they will be happier and more effective at whatever they do.

Once you become more self-aware, managing your feelings becomes much easier. Managing feelings doesn’t mean biting your tongue or always being nice, but rather it means managing feelings so that you can express yourself effectively even when having a confrontation.

When you become more self-aware and manage your feelings better, you become more attuned to reading emotional cues from others. If you notice someone is having an adverse reaction to your message, you can adjust it to have a more positive impact.

Simply put, you won’t be invisible anymore. And, you’ll be more like the great Asian leaders whose footsteps we follow — the people who don’t just think, but inspire.

Erin Yoshimura, chief empowerment officer of Empowerful Changes™, specializes in emotional intelligence training and coaching. To learn more about improving your EQ and living your values email her at

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