Mirian Lee, 27, Ph.D. student at the University
of California at Berkeley
David Hong, 27, web technologist
Wedding date: June 2, 2007, in Los Angeles
Week of July 31
She said: Although we've been engaged since the end of
December 2005, much of wedding planning hasn't really started. I began searching
for wedding dresses and checked out some wedding sites to get an idea of what I
need to do for the next year but it does seem overwhelming as I surf through
these sites. It seems like a million tasks and I don't think that I have the
time nor money to invest on all of these details. Dave and I have been very
occupied in the past six months with graduate school. He finished his master's
in May and I am in the middle of my Ph.D. Thus, this summer I went to Brazil to
conduct research for the past two months and haven't been able to focus on
wedding plans. What we have done so far is set the date for June 2, 2006 at my
childhood church in Los Angeles.
We hope to hold a brief reception at the church and later head on to a separate
"party" for close friends and family. I have an idea of what kind of
dress I would like but other than that, no clue yet!! Friends have sent
ideas and references to photographers and reception locations. While I've been
in Brazil, Dave has had some time to search for possible party locations in Los
Angeles and we're working on a preliminary guest list from both sides of the
family and friends. The only thing that we both went to check out together was
the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Pasadena to get an idea of reception location
and budget, but unfortunately, it is way out of my budget! Well, until we
have more of a fixed and concrete knowledge of our wedding budget, I am not
sure of how much I'll invest myself in planning for this wedding. This is a
matter that we will have more clear in the next few months and began to plan
one detail at a time.
Week of August 21
She said: So I finally returned from Brazil after being away
for two months and have slowly returned to wedding planning. Now that Dave and
I are in the same location (Berkeley), we’re able to set aside some time each
week to share our ideas and begin some practical, hands-on wedding planning. As
of last time, whenever I thought of wedding planning, I would find myself
stressed out, with a headache and in some way, unwilling to think about it due
to three main reasons. The first, I just did not have the budget, in other
words, I felt bad for not being able to provide much contribution from my side
and didn’t know what to really plan for. Second, due to very different family backgrounds
and respective expectations from either Dave and I…there were subtle conflicts
on how the wedding ceremony and reception are to be. Third, as exciting as it
is to get married, I’m at a very crucial and extremely stressful period of my
doctorate studies. I’m about to take my exams this year and that’s a whole
drama for me to live through.
Inevitably, all of it led me to feel rather overwhelmed. I realized that
this attitude was becoming a problem for myself and I needed to take a firm,
deep breath and shift my mentality about it. I began to think and believe that
it was possible to have everything work out, especially with friends who were
actively thinking and offering ideas to help Dave and me.
Now, some
weeks have passed and my parents have shared that they will be able to help out
with wedding budget. Setting aside the personal commentary, in terms of wedding
planning, Dave and I have sat down and shared ideas regarding how we will
proceed with the wedding party or post-reception party. We’ve decided to have
the ceremony in Los Angeles at my parent’s church, which is a very big,
Korean-American Church. After the ceremony, we hope to host a reception with
all of our guests, where they can enjoy a good, casual meal (Korean food
buffet), do wedding pictures and etc…because it will save us greatly to host
this part of the day there. However, we want to save the dancing, cake cutting
and a celebratory Korean wedding called ‘paebak’ at what we refer to as the
“party” because we want it to be really fun for everybody, casual in mood but
elegant as well. This party is for family and close friends only. That is where the major work awaits because
we are trying to find a venue that can accommodate our idea. One of our
friends, a groomsman, suggested that we could possibly host this post-reception
party at a rented beach house and take the reins in planning the part our way.
Our wedding color will be champagne/gold and pink.
 We also use
the website, www.theknot.com to help us
maintain a wedding checklist, which has been soooo helpful because it’s a tool
that both Dave and I can use and refer to. I find it to be very helpful. We
also got a white dry board for us to use and jot down our ideas and help us
remember to go through our monthly checklist of finding a party venue, caterer
and photograher/videographer for the moment.
Our budget has been reduced from $30,000 to $20,000 but we will see how
this works out!! We’re at the moment of
choosing a party venue in Los Angeles once that is decided, I think we can make
better decisions about other details.
Week of September 4
He said: The prior week, Mirian and I attempted to get
serious about some planning. As such, I suggested that we purchase a white
board to lay things out in a manner to better visualize what we needed to get
accomplished for the wedding. I found that trying to look at theknot.com's
wedding checklist online was a little impersonal.
In addition, a good friend of mine in my wedding party
highly recommended that we get a wedding planner/consultant or at least another
friend who would be organized and help us stay on track. It was a good idea, so
when I got talking to my mom about this, she suggested I talk to one of my
cousin's wife who happens to be an interior designer. I plan on doing this soon
once I get her contact information. One of my main concerns, apart from being
organized, is the décor of Mirian's church where the weeding will take place. I
find it to be rather drab and reminds of North Korean propaganda with big bold
red letters cheering on for Jesus. Hopefully, Sun-mi, my cousin's wife, can
help us come up with some ideas to brighten the place up.
She said: To be
honest, Dave and I haven’t really done much since the last entry that I submitted.
However, I did by chance walk into a neighborhood stationary store and browsed
through their invitation catalogues to see the different kinds of papers and
design that exist out there. Nothing really inspired me so far but it helped me
narrow down to a certain style, based on an invitation that I had seen from
another friend’s wedding. One thing that made me happy and a good progress is
that one of my bridesmaids did send me a link to a few bridesmaids’ dresses
that fit their needs: classy, pretty, decent budget and more importantly to
them: something that they could wear again. (I have six bridesmaids by the
way!). The challenge is to find out if the dress can be found in the color we
want but as for its design and style, I am letting my girls browse around as
they are the ones who will be wearing them.
As we share
our wedding ideas with family and friends, we did hear one from Dave’s parents
to get in touch with a family member about reception location design ideas as
she seemed to have interior design experience. I am wondering what her input
and ideas will be…
One thing
that I try to keep in mind is to not take everyone’s opinion and attempt to fit
them into ours because it can be complicated, difficult and stressful but it’s
a challenge….since everybody seems to want to provide an opinion for what would
be best. One great challenge at the moment is to try to accommodate, if
possible, two different perspectives and worlds as we prepare this wedding. I
guess somewhat the East/West. I speak more, thinking of my side of the family
as my parents wanted me to have the wedding at their Korean-American church
with many of their Korean church members invited, which from my personal
experience at past weddings and at the same location itself, I did not find it
to be the kind of wedding I envisioned for myself. No matter how many times I
talked to them, more with my mom, she just cannot get out of her own
imagination and expectation. It’s a
stress factor that is in the back of my mind to try to hear and match my
parent’s requests while at the same time, not make Dave and his family feel
like they need to do everything according to my family’s expectations since
they are more Americanized and come from a very different background.
But weddings are weddings. I just try to keep focused on how
I can be happy that day with Dave because despite wedding decorations, location
or other details, I just care more for the symbolic reason, which will finally
be the day we declare to everyone we know that we will be together forever. What
will happen next? Will David and Mirian be able to
please both families and start delving into the details of their big
day? How
will Mirian’s exams go? Find out in the December/January issue as
we follow the couple on their journey from proposal to nuptials.
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